the other night i was delving into my body finding pain and releasing it
and i felt so much pain and i tried to force my cells to die by imagining "find the pain that will kill you, are you afraid of death? i'm not afraid of death why won't I die I'm ready for it!"
and i kept going, my head hurt and then I pulled myself out
is it possible to suicide from force of will?
i think if you had complete control you could do this it takes mastery of the body
a man cut his arm off with a knife when trapped in a rock
what states have those who've meditated reached? can't you let go by deciding to die?
i'm fine with that, i'm fine with dropping everything away to step through the doors of perception
i am ready.

[[see the new-lover, recent writing for the sequel to this thought process]